I’ll Pick up the Baton Now

I sat in a low ceilinged room, walls closed in around me. A man stood over me while I sat at a small wooden table.

I was mildly uncomfortable but safe. Those two can be well differentiated or closely intertwined like the frayed thread of a worn out rope. A universal truth every woman knows.

The words nonstop. They gradually built up to more direct, personalized bullets. And there I sat, occasionally looking up and nodding, continuing doing what needed doing as he stood over me, talking, pacing.

The inevitable place I knew we were going finally came. I answered his question.

“Nope. I’m not married.”

Shock. Sputtered breath. “What?! LOOK AT YOU! You’re an INTELLIGENT woman and NOT married!!”

He barely barked his last word before my response fell pointedly, nonchalantly on his ears leaving him without words for the slightest of seconds…

“That’s why I’m not married.”

He had no comeback, but the elderly woman in the room sure did. She giggled and smiled and nodded enthusiastically. She whispered “I love it.”

And, my goodness, I keep thinking about this entire situation.

The fact that females are constantly aware of the potential harm to their bodies. The exit strategies. The code words. The covered drinks. The keys clutched between knuckles.

The fact that my intelligence was attacked by a man as a reason why I am NOT married, when, in fact sir, my intelligence is what ultimately helped me strategize and get my children and I out of an abusive relationship, survive years of that abusive marriage, and navigate my way through and pick myself up after many other incredibly challenging situations in my life.

The fact that my intelligence has allowed me to obtain advanced degrees and work in fields that have gifted me the freedom to not depend on anyone or feel cornered into a marriage in order to keep my kids and I alive and well. Something previous generations could not have comprehended.

For my intelligence allows me to recognize that I would rather be alone in my peace than to be bound to someone who destroys it.

My war torn intelligence says wait for the one who challenges you to be better, loves you, and fights for what you and your babies deserve. For the one who protects and brings the gift of safety. Even if they never come, for you and your children are not worth accepting less.

And to the women who walked through life on a totally different timeline and never had the ability to have the freedom that I have, hear my heart whisper to yours “Thank you for what you have done so far. I’ll pick up the baton now. I’ll make it better for our daughters.”

Love, your very UNMARRIED friend,

Kalan 😘